The following is an excerpt from a piece published in The New York Times on June 16th 2010. The title of the article, The End of the Best Friend? You must be kidding. ( I urge to please read the article )
" But increasingly, some educators and other professionals who work with children are asking a question that might surprise parents: Should a child really have a best friend? Most children naturally seek close friends... the two special pals who share secrets and exploits, who gravitated towards each other on the playground and who head out together everyday after school - signals potential problems for school officials intent on discouraging anything that hints of exclusivity, in part because of concerns of cliques and bullying.
'I think it is the kid's preference to pair up and have that one best friend. As adults - teachers and counselors - we try to encourage them NOT to do that. ' said Cristine Laycob, Dir. of Counseling... 'we try to talk to kids and work with them to have big groups of friends and not be so possessive about friends. Parents sometimes say Johnny needs a special friend, we say he doesn't need a best friend."
and how might you ask they go about this? read on...
through the assistance of "friendship coaches" " if two children seem too focused on each other, the camp will make sure to put them on different teams, seat them at different ends of the dining table, or perhaps, have a counselor invite one of them to participate in an activity with another child whom they haven't gotten to know. ' I don't think it's particularly healthy for a child to rely on one friend.' says Jay Jacob's, the camp's director. ' If something goes wry, it can be devastating. It also limits the child's ability to explore other options in the world.'"
If you have not read the article I urge to please stop reading right here, click on the link and read it in its' entirety. Reading an excerpt does not really capture it...even remotely. This "thing", this "movement" is not the idea of one Health professional, one school, or one camp. It is a systemic and ever growing enterprise determined to beat whatever humanity and normalcy there is still left in our children today.
I have to admit this hit close to home. I am already disturbed by all the childhood-micromanaging epidemic that has taking over this country but this... this was one that I didn't see coming. I was disturbed... truly disturbed and angry after reading this. This is no more than a sophisticated form of child abuse. There is so much wrong here I don't even know where to begin. Since when is something as special and natural as forming that best-friendship bond, the cause for bullying? If these people really had a functioning brain cell they would know that 'bullying' in children's behavior is the direct result of parental failure. Yes, you heard that correctly. A child who is a bully has more than likely witnessed that type of behavior at home. The habitual abuse from one older and larger individual over the younger and or smaller ones. A bully thinks it is perfectly acceptable to treat others in a cruel and hurtful way, and you know why? you'd be shocked to learn it is not because they have a best friend... they think it is okay because they have grown up in an environment that makes it permissible. Perhaps beyond permissible, in some instances it is a matter of survival.
And what exactly is a 'bully'? and who makes that determination? Are we talking about the kid who picks on all the little ones during lunch because he gets no attention at home and no one has bothered to be a positive example of kind behavior? or perhaps because he himself is bullied at home and so he wants to feel superior somewhere and picks the playground as his stage?. Or are we talking about the teen girls who snicker and make fun of the other girl who is not as popular or as pretty as they are and they do so because they wanna fit in with the crowd? and they don't want to risk not being 'cool' in front of their 'peers'. What and who exactly are we talking about here? There is nothing I love more than the one-sweeping-cure-to-all-society's ills approach that the school system, health professionals and children experts love to engage in. These institutions have the market cornered on group-think and let's keep everyone on the same average level so no one feels left out and THEY now feel that a simple, special, natural and old as the concept of family, part of human relationship building is TOO exclusionary???!!! are you serious?!!! what's next? The bond between parents and their child is too exclusionary because the children from a one single parent home feel left out?? and that has the potential to lead to what?? hurt feelings?
Let me say this, and here is a little something a lot of parents might not want to hear so if you have sensitive ears I suggest you take some deep breathes, if one of my children allow some jackass to make them doubt their worth and beauty as exceptional human beings, to the point where they will harm themselves as a result, that is MY failure as a parent. Yes, MY failure. Not the result of any clique or bff's. My children will experience pain, that is part of life. They will experience heart break, betrayal, disappointment, my job is to teach them through my words, but most importantly through my example, how to best handle such things. They are experiences that help us grow, they are not experiences that we have to fear and avoid.
Is this seriously the cure? to restructure the entire human experience? I mean, what... just what type of culture are we becoming that we now have a school system where teacher's duties now include bff splitting?
I love how that one Doctor expressed, "I THINK it is the child's preference to pair up have that one best friend" Really?? You think? wow. I also love how she goes on to say, " PARENTS sometimes say Johnny needs a best friend, but WE tell them he doesn't." It was at this point where I really wanted to punch my computer screen. She, THEY know more than the parent. Classic.
All I kept thinking as I read the article were three simple words, "How dare you?, how dare you?!" How dare you treat children like some puppets in your little science project for the perfect society? These are human beings with their own personalities... filled with thoughts, emotions, uniqueness and identities... and you feel you have the right to superficially orchestrate bonds that are natural and essential for emotional growth and development?
But you know what, every time a parent drops off a kid at a public school or some new indoctrinating camp from the glue factory, they have completely given up any rights to that child whatsoever. Don't believe me? Did you read the article? Do you need more evidence? Public Schools are not even pretending anymore to be simply a place for which to implement compulsory education. No, they are a test tube for the next generation of ill-informed, drugged, overly medicated, morbidly obese consumer; devoid of any independent thought, creativity, courage and individuality.
Am I making too much of this? I don't think so. That's the problem in this country. If you ask me, parents in this country don't raise enough hell. Does this affect my family directly? of course not. My family and I unplugged from the matrix a long time ago. But I am sick and tired of the what is being inflicted upon children this country. And in my not so humble opinion, child abuse comes in many forms... even in very sophisticated ones.
So I shall end my rant by saying please, please... this insanity has to stop. If you love your kids my god, get them out of these buildings RIGHT NOW.
btw, my bff inspired me to write this ;) oh how did I ever live with a bff? I don't know how I ever got through those very difficult times of having someone close to me that understood me and helped me when I needed it the most... to feel safe and like someone 'got me' when I felt like I wasn't part of the crowd. I dedicate this post to my bff now in my adulthood and my bff in my childhood :) Thank god!!!! for bffs ♥
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